Ever have a fantasy of where you would like to live most happily.... More and more I find myself dreaming of living in a teeny tiny house somewhere away from people (in the woods) alone with my animals.  That's where I am sure I can be happiest.  This life I have created is full of boundless surprises along with the mess.

Because everything in this house is either broken or misplaced, there are times when I feel like I live with end-aisle displays like they have at the grocery story.  People with ADHD have a different view on keeping track of things.  I have learned, because I live with 3 of them, that it's best to have things front and center.  This sometimes means for me.... piles of things, food items, clothing (why bother with drawers) - you- name-it are always 'out' just in case they may lose track of it.  Nothing is ever put away and certainly not where it is supposed to be.   I have become the 'finder' for all.  Tonight my darling husband misplaced a menu for dinner that he has JUST HAD IN HIS HAND.  I could barely hear is tantrum (because it happens so often) like magic... I quietly got up and 'found' the menu right on his desk - someone had put a catalog over it.   oh well,

A change of season...change of shoes (hopefully)

I'm back! ... no, I'm not hiding under the rubble pictured, but there are times when I have felt like it!   This has been one loooong summer and now it's FALL.   Within the extreme life that I live, the weather has been right in line with my life.  Extreme heat, torrential rains, indescribable humidity....and then the gigantic mosquitoes join in.  That's 'summer' in the Midwest.    I am not fond of heat for a variety of reasons.  After years of running full throttle, additional 'heat' is just not something I enjoy so I do my best to stay near fans and A/C.   The cold weather coming fast is a welcome relief so I am enjoying it as best I can.

Now for the update;  Darling Daughter is now driving and I have to say...it's not as bad as I thought it would be.  My late-night dispatch 'runs' have stopped and she is so eager to drive - even offering to do errands for me!  Also, because we now have something she really wants (the car) her attitude has changed greatly and we are having real conversations and she even asked me to braid her hair last week!  :)  I don't think I have been allowed to 'touch' her hair for 10 years.  It was nice.

Darling son on the other hand is still making questionable choices and last weekend around 9:45 pm invited 8 boys into our newly cleaned house... I'm too tired to micro- manage except to say I did not appreciate hearing bb gun shots in the dark as they were I'm sure, also tramping around in dog sh-- outside to then bring into my clean house.   He was 'entertaining' too bringing shelled peanuts outside in one of my good ceramic bowls.  One of the joys of my life and I have few these days, is having my dear polish ladies clean once a month.   I have been protecting the floors like a prison warden and banished the boys to the basement via text.   I think my son knew intuitively they better stay there! I was actually able to then go to sleep!  

xo

The International Laundress 

humm.....'all I want for Christmas....

ok you finish it... 'my two front teeth' well, at least they'd match. (maybe)  I am just hoping to someday have socks that go together! That is my dream.  Before the madness of my life 'set in' ... I used to be really weird about socks not matching - this slow errosion in my thinking started with my brilliant time-saving system (mentioned in an earlier blog) the famous 'sock box'. Afterall, the kids could have cared less if socks matched but for me it was different.  I used to be able to tell the difference.  Now I find that I've joined the masses around here.  unmatched socks? who cares?!  This mindset has also carried over in my kitchen - for years, we have had mismatched glasses, plates and silverwear.  The potpourri of my life. The good stuff...slowly disappeared - pans used for dog bowls, silverwear used for digging in the mud outside...my knives used for whittling sticks. 

Once when I had 'new' friends over, the mom said, looking at my silverwear... I think this checkered pattern fork is for the kids.  I looked at her with kindness as though she had asked me if i were pregnant and said... oh, we like things mismatched and creative around here! It was a good 'spin'

After suffering for years from parental post-traumatic stress disorder, I often wonder where the first episode occured to trigger this syndrome.  I believe the difficulty for me loomed even when darling daughter was under age 2 and deciding on her own, she wasn't 'ready' to leave a climbing structure on a very cold winter day... after warning and reminding it was 'time'.... I decided to call her bluff and 'leave' to watch as I 'drove away' from my rear-view mirror, my young toddler waved 'bye bye' to me.   She is one tough determined kid...always as been!  Once my mother played in deep snow with her for over an hour and she only had on one boot!  This boot wasn't found until Spring.

When you have PPTSD it is an emotional numbing with flashbacks that trigger new episodes.  On a recent road trip with darling daughter (and darling son), I recalled why it is so difficult to travel with this crowd- the only blessing was that Good Sport Husband stayed home.  As soon as we opened the hotel room door, she had marked herself like a dog on the queen bed that would be 'just hers'.   This followed with the TV on and lights as though her brother and I were no where to be seen.   Like the step-children of her life, she had a full evening with computer off this 'bed' while we watched in awe.   I was futher floored when a hotel manager came in to 'fix' her internet connection.

 but never more evident than a recent road trip with darling daughter (and son) - it made me remember (like a flashback) on why it is so difficult to travel

From this parenting oddessy, I have suffered for years from post tramatic stress syndrome, in fact there are still times when I have flair ups.  I recently had one of those days.... it usually begins with going somewhere with my children and just the mention of sharing a hotel room brings back the dark feeling.  This time, I was spared good sport husband (who stayed behind ).  the lift off began with repeated texts from Darling Daughter on packing instructions of things she had forgotten.    Then while on this road trip I drove straight for 4 hours until finding our hotel room.  

  A rare occasion but this trip was not optional (a funeral). 

CSI = tracking teenagers

It usually takes me a few days to recover from a weekend of tracking an overconfident teenager.  Each weekend it's a new 'adventure.'  This past weekend (in an effort to try out the idea of independence) we allowed darling daughter a 'free range' opportunity to have a fun weekend with her friends.  This involved the idea of going 3 hours away in 2 different cars to a big water park for the day.  When she returned - still ready to go...we began an evening of again tracking her down.  The idea of 'checking in' is also a foreign concept to this child.    So when I learned in the am that Darling Daughter was out on another one of her galavants I was once again in need of putting the pieces together.  Fortunately, this time, I had a partner (her friend's Mother) and together we were able to piece all things together.  Teenagers are real heart stoppers when the pieces don't fit together.  I have actually needed a defibulator on a couple of occasions.    This is something that no one can ever prepare you for.  My darling daughter has even reminded me that we are 'only' on #4. extreme screw- up

If not on 'display' it's LOST

There are days in this madness of life here that I am truly amazed. This idea comes from my ADHD family and their very bad habit of marking things like an unneutered dog in the very place the item first enters it's point of entry in the house.   It this 'item' doesn't stay in that place it is lost.   There is no rhyme of reason for this idea either.  When I correct things like putting a bb gun in the garage rather than a corner of my kitchen ... it always creeps back in to the original marketed spot (and that includes bb aumo on the window sill! )  Another one that drives me crazy is stuffing my decorative container with dinner napkins to then find the balance of the package losely stacked next to this container for the next reload... huh?  

Ferel Child Heading for Prison

It's coming... I still can't believe it! but my feral-child lovingly known as 'Darling Daughter' is heading off to college!  As I have stated before, it is an amazing feat to be able to view this child from this vantage point.   All I can say now is good luck (to her roommate!)

Have Stress Will Travel

As stated in a previous blog, my children are from a very murky gene pool.  ADHD comes to them from a very definite genetic link through their father.   Not be undone, they also have a further connection with another very high-energy relative (my mother) ... Grammie has always had unbridled energy, stubbornness (like no other) and endless determination to get her way (with everything) .... she is always busy - busy doing many things at one time.  and she would personally shoot me if I revealed her true age.  (note: this is a woman who lies about MY age)  The bi-product of this gene pool is organizational issues;  lost purse, keys, sunglasses and anything else in her path.   Darling Daughter is a younger version of my Mother so they get along famously.

Back in the 'old-days' when ADHD was completely unknown Grammie reminisced about how her own father had a great cure for ADHD... a handy belt :)   ... hence, her continued advice to me in my children's younger years was always 'I'm just not tough enough'  or my favorite comment -  'If they lived at my house- they'd be D.O.A.' !

Last week while visiting Grammie I let my guard down.... (I'm becoming a new person since one layer of stress is a bit contained since Darling Daughter is living in a college dorm.... I should have known better on this one.  Afterall, I have years of experience looking for Grammie's purse, keys, sunglasses and overall just keeping 'up' with things in my own surroundings and hers...  so imagine my surprise, when we returned from an outing to find exploded hard boiled eggs burning away on her gas stove!  What a mess....and the smell was beyond. Not to mention we are lucky it didn't burn her house down!  Upon discovery, I turned to my Mother and said ..... "You're officially OLD"... in her usual flippant way, she said "Oh, I do this all the time!" .....  It wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for -  funny though, I did have to shake my head and agree with her.   So the stress-gap for me has been filled - there is no escape.



 

Child rearing has nearly killed me

Because this blog is all about fair and truthful comentary, I need to update a previous post 'A fling with Food = Fun' .... the food for flinging of choice was apparently 'sweet potatoes' which no doubt looked like dog crap everywhere - adding to the 'fun' ... 


If I wasn't so pitiful from being ground-down to the bone from life as an entrepreneur and a mother to this wild family,  I probably wouldn't of  had the reaction I did to a kind offer from a friend last night.... it brings a tear to my eye!

Still in shock.... I was invited to take an art lesson with an accomplished artist (who I love and admired for years) I nearly fainted at the idea..... my reaction was as though she had told me I was meeting a rock star.   I know embarrasing & sounds crazy (and I'm sure she thinks I'm nuts)  but it was such an amazing idea and it bitch-slapped me to the fact that I haven't done anything 'fun' or anything for myself FOR YEARS!  What have I become when the thought of taking a 5 hour class would be such a nirviana in my world! That's the truth and I know I am not alone in this thought.  Women like me, (and most I know) are  busy beyond comprehension. As a wise friend said recently --- even the people doing nothing are busy!   No one ever takes a break from the day-to-day grind or has time for even a friendly laugh (like the old days).  What has become of us ? a question I have asked many - those few friends that I have left.  
Life in tough economic times....hasseled with children.....endless bills = a not-so-great-quality-of-life.    Yes, I do have an occasional 'date' night with my husband when we watch a movie together....but what happens is I end up snoring during the movie.  It doesn't help that I 'waited' to have children --- to then 'wait' further though the nightmare of infertility.....to now find myself with teenagers when my friends are becoming Grandmothers. Undoubtedly that is the start of the problem. 

Mother's Day - Special activities

Like most 'older moms' I experienced the unexpected 'journey' of intense infertility (for 4.5 years) so when my Darling Daughter was born it was a true revelation - a miracle -  like having a clean house with well-behaved teenagers.

With the arrival of my Darling Daughter (and being a high-risk pregnancy) was like the next coming of Christ.  I had already created a beautiful 'ultrasound' photo album of the 9 months of her 'development' - so you can only imagine what her glorious baby book looked like for the first 3 years of her life. Every moment was captured of my over welcome child.  With archival quality plastic casing and each special moment labeled ... little did I know at the time it would be the last bastion of organization of my life.  Once Darling Son was born (and all hell broke loose around here) things would be different.... his 'book' looks like a grocery circular with lose photos still in brown bags stuffed in a closet somewhere.   So here's what happens when an impulsive ADHD creative-type has a brainstorm.... and it was a 'storm'....

With every great intension, Darling Daughter decided to make a 'special' memory book for me for a birthday gift. She bought an 8" x 8" 'Mom' book with unique heartwarming sentiments -  sounds great, right?  .... she had printed in it with her own touches and embellished with 'stamps' and markers etc.   even better, right?    so when I opened this glorious book with other ADHD family members watching

Taking the lead from her clever, creative mother (what I used to be) Darling Daughter decided to be  especially brilliant and had a plan to create her 'own' memory book - using my pictures. Sounds cute, huh.... I was really touched by the gesture.  That is, until I opened the book to discover that she had removed quite a variety of pictures throught the years from her 'master' book. Seeing how tightly glued (hot glue) the photos were, I carefully asked whether these photos were scanned or color copied..... and, as expected- they were not! She had picked about 70 pictures to retell the story of her childhood with me.   It's what I call (a term I picked up in Corporate World)  'Swiss Cheesing' my gorgeous baby book.    Not a surprise,  really.... it's just the way they think...  impulsive....

I know, I know.... I'm waaaay behind in keeping up with this blog.  There are days when I feel like the living dead and I just don't have the strength to write.   I do have one funny at a time when teenage boys are not particularly funny.  Darling Son has been away for the summer working for a window washing franchise owned by his older half brother.  This experience was his first 'up close and personal' experience with small entrepreneurial business.    After returning home, he came up with the idea of duplicating the window washing business my friend even offered to hire him to wash windows in her new house! - we then gladly offered to drive him to Home Depot to buy a new bucket and a squeegee but he had other ideas. First on his list and he was dead serious..... was a truck to haul 'all the equipment'.  Really?  he doesn't even have a driver's  license!   good one.

Another Glorious Day With My Family

I could begin this post by mentioning that we have had one of the worse winters ever in the Chicago area and that today began with a wind chill factor of 10 below (barely phases me), but that would be boring.  What I want to record is a situation which happened this morning involving my problem-solving challenged group.

Here is the situation;

I woke up to a monumental tantrum by not-so 'Good Sport Husband' with machine gun explatives coming from our snowy driveway from the furthest distance of our house.... It is not close.  I looked out my bathroom window to see his flayling arms as he walked around our the front of our black car in his pj's carrying a bag of kitty litter litter like pixie dust.   Not helping the situation....centainly not to my standards.
What happened next (more screaming) explained the strategy to get the black car out of a snow bank from last night ..... Good Sport Husband (originally from Texas) decided to 'push' the car out using our other vehicle (4/week drive SUV) and he 'lined up' the cars bumper to bumper with darling son directing in the middle and darling daughter in charge of the black car..... what started the ruckus was; cars were not lined up.... (as Darling Son directed) and he smashed the front bumper of the black car and as he was pushing..... pushed Darling Daughter much deeper into the enormous snowbank on the side of the drive way.

Hearing this comotion and with the fear of a crabby neigbhbor calling the police, I leaped out of bed and in bare feet put on my boots and a coat and ran to the scene.   after much yelling and reminding from Darling Daughter that she had a 100 pt. Chemistry test this am and needed to get 'out' I got in an started to 'rock' the car with my boys in back pushing ..... after about 10 attempts and rubber burning we dislodged the car .... I backed it up to the street and Darling Daughter screetched out.    I then went in the house to find her purse .... and to learn that Lollipop (our high-spirited dog) ate Darling Son's breakfast and so the day begins.    shoot me now!