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Showing posts with label exhausted. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exhausted. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

ME - The Queen of F*&^#$%ing Everything! Anything but 'charmed' !

Another 'Selfie'.... seen through my tired eyes.

This time, I would like to educate readers on the 'Kingdom' of the'Queen of Fucking Everything' (ME) .........  such a ghastly place where I 'rule' .... a place in need of a conquest because it now appears to be controlled by militants (lazy teenagers) who will do ANYTHING but help me within this sovereign state.   


To add to this upheaval -  smelly

animals that make loud noises also follow my every move.   It's a hideous life - one I never imagined, confirming the name of this blog. 
The defiant new 'rulers' direct The Royal Leaders (The King too) as though it is their kingdom and their kingdom alone.    Like radical zealots they come in and out of our locked gates at their fancy - and with every whim leave royal messes everywhere!  They even steal food labeled 'for Mom' and other items leaving a path of remnants which outrages Me !........I AM THE Queen!   

Their charmed loyal following of 'subjects' add to the destruction.   It appears they have all been keenly trained in the same place and I am now a prisoner under home-rule. 

To leave (err, I mean escape) is controversial ....  My 'carriage' has broken a/c so I am truly in an uproar with disgust and desperation. My 'life's' HELL would then follow me to the closest expressway and I would burn the tires to their axle with speed.   


So my favorite part of my day is to now take a 'Royal Nap' in hopes that this will all go away!  Or with an unlikely thought that I have been

in a deep coma for the past 2 decades I barely survive. I pray. This is torture.
  
Where will I find the strength to start military exercises to take back my Kingdom?  I need new ammunition with unique explosives to start a Coup d'état?
 Anyone care to join me?

Quite by surprise, as they grow up, it seems my authority drops to what is now 'dungeon' status.


I am it appears, a new-kind-of tired exhausted peasant.  I hate what is going on in my castle.   The 'King' also feels the same downgrade in status.  

We have tried calmly requesting assistance, then added lovely scrolled hand-lettered notes (duct taped on neon paper) which escalates to direct orders from tower command posts to no avail. The King even roars! and I scream like a fish-wife which is embarrassing and undignified to my earlier status.



Our self- appointed crowned heads-of-state.... 
enjoy barricading themselves behind locked doors while the Queen is working and I say 'Off With Their Heads!'   A plan is currently in place to bring in The Queen Mum (Grammie) to beat them with a tire iron.  

I am so exasperated by the filth and mess which has overrun this Kingdom and like a slave I am going to revolt!  At this point... I couldn't pay a King's ransom to find reliable 'help'.... I need a cleaning crew to rival a small country.



 I know I am not alone... I should form a 'Queen of Fucking Everything' union where we could all plan together.  There are millions of us and in force, we could probably conquer or at best, get 'subjects' like this to magically hold a swifter duster or waltz with a turned on vacuum.

   
With new sanctions 'The Princess' (Darling Daughter) will NEVER again be able to say to my request of 'What the $%^&* were you doing in your room all day'? (while I was out sipping tea in the royal garden).... answering with a straight face;  'CLEANING' oh really?.... my dream is to have her understand when I am outside 'on the grounds' she should be maintaining military-style bathroom cleaning drills and end that exercise with a curtsy to me!  'The Prince', (Darling Son), will not storm out of his throne room with a furious tone after ending a day-long endless video game to assist me with cleaning up huge plops of royal dog feces (outside) and moving heavy fencing (I hate doing that while wearing taffeta).  He will leave his tasks and add others, with a polite 'yesh, me lord' and immediately begin sparkling up the 'moated' area of our basement,
a place where remarkably water goes unnoticed. 



Someday when I do free myself of this life .... (to a place I dream of) it will have a lovely cottage-like feel to it.
Most importantly, there will gates with an automatic code that will be the envy of Homeland Security.  This 'castle' will also have a fresh aroma of beautiful flowers, food which I like and it will be clean and organized.  I will be graced with a regular 'lady in waiting (cleaning)' ....... No one and I mean NO ONE will be allowed 'in' without being granted an order from The Queen (ME).   Even The King will be thrown scraps through the metal gates. 


xo
The Queen of F$%^& Everything 
 (a.k.a. The International Laundress) I wear many 'hats' 
(err, I mean crowns! )  my neck is practically broken.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Things that just don't 'go' together!

After recently seeing a shiny red Mercedes convertible with a licence plate that said 'MYRNA' (HUH?)? it got me thinking about other things that just don't go together like today.... waking up early to a strong wafting smell of burned eggs which usually means a charred pan with the remnants of that, ground into our flat-top stove and dishes/ pans/ drips everywhere.  Dogs were also barking ...

We were playing Saturday 'chicken' again - determining who would be first to survey the collateral damage. As it turned out, Good-Sport Husband was feeling braver and my Excederin hadn't kicked in (yet)....so he volunteered.... But today, much to our astonishment the 'damage' was nowhere to be found... hmm?  it's a real mysteryWe were also surprised to see a relatively clean kitchen.... this is frightening stuff ... like tippy toeing over a land mine.  

It seems that Darling Daughter made herself breakfast, cleaned up and then rode her bike to her job..... Amazing... Exhilarating ....  a feeling providing us with a glimmer of hope for the future .... Next up, Darling Son and the 3 teenage boys who stayed for a sleepover...well, at least we know it's a 'wave' today instead of the usual tsunami.

For me, I'm going to enjoy my coffee in bed and light a scented candle until the inevitable  roar of the next wave begins.

xo
The International Laundress :) 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I have a DREAM...really I do....

I wish my world was full of 'aha moments' instead of  'OH, NO... 'who broke THIS ? '  or  what is THAT smell ?    I long for a time when my own Mother doesn't lament .... 'I don't know how YOU can take it'.... 

Really?
I get it.....it's crazy 'looking IN '.... it's also crazy 'IN' here ....  but it's the life I've created (whatever that means) .... 'created' ... hmm?

Next time around... my dream would be to 'create' a family that doesn't answer all statements and questions from me with an immediate ....  'WHY?' or 'NO'.... the debating is what is so exhausting  (a link :)...  and I will go back to traveling Internationally  without a cell phone and 'check in' every few months - yeah, that's what I'll do :)   I'll even bring my paints :)

Like a magic carpet ride, it would be a hard adjustment at first (for about a minute).... I would think of the barking dogs, slamming doors, foot prints and weird things stuck to the floor  and Good-Sport Husband's loud tone-deaf singing to C &W music when he is grilling. 


I would also think of my watery eyes as I drove Darling Daughter to school doused with Britney Spears 'cologne' - the true meaning of  'toliet water' ...  I would also think of Darling Son... always running for something in  'white' socks on a dirty driveway -  then both fighting in the 5 minute trip to school with endless strategic conversations about where they are going (later) with my money.    It's endless....  I will think of a time like yesterday when my Darling Daughter decided to (finally) 'check in' with me - stating 'Mom, I'm checking in'  ....  an unprompted startling revelation to be sure that made me first think she was at a hotel... (see, I'm already thinking about my getaway )   :)

xo
The International Laundress