Ode to Emma Joy!

Emma

As a ghastly way to start your day, few things rank up there with Old English Sheep Dog Diarrhea.  Our beloved Emma had a problem yesterday …. And today, we were kinda playing ‘chicken’ about being the first person 'up' … we knew the kids were sleeping  (it’s Saturday) and being exhausted from another late-night dispatch run … I knew intuitively that we were pushing our normal routine to let  ‘the girls’ out.   Enjoying myself in my cozy bed, (actually wishing to stay 'embedded').... with each minute that passed .... I felt the stress rising…  I was actually bracing myself for a catastrophe…already thinking about my ground tools and the thought of machine-gun fire of expletives from darling husband.    But a revelation has occurred!  NO nightmare messes…today!  What a treat!   My life is at such a low level, I feel like I got a raise and a bonus.     This is exciting news…. I haven’t felt this joyful in a long time !  Woo hoo….   I think great things are in store for me today ! J

The Audacity of Kids!

I am a very busy working mom running a business from a home office and as anyone knows that spells trouble when kids or dogs are involved. Problem is, I have a double dose of both. I need to be available at a moment’s notice for phone calls with a tone of professionalism. I’ve conducted my business while running to outside snow banks, barred myself in a shower stall and finished calls breathlessly in my locked car (sometimes in that order).  My children on the other hand, are completely oblivious to any ‘outside’ activity that I may do that does not involve them. It seems at times, that I’m like a magnet for the blast of noise that follows them….. usually the racket rises with the degree of importance-of-the-call.   It’s like they’re deaf and blind. After years of this it’s uncanny how they can be standing in front of me (barking) while I am on a business call… to then have an impulsive teary eyed teenager making verbal demands and threats as I am doing things that redefine the word ‘multi-tasking’. The contortions on my face alone are the first hint- even the dogs can understand that!   Today was one of those days… Darling Daughter claims to have told me (she didn’t) about a later start to her school day …… I then continued in my usual phone business zone to be accosted by her for an IMMEDIATE ride to school or it would result in dire consequences that related to a Biology exam-- an outcome,  that would then ruin her life. As always …Mommy on Dispatch was there for her.... ‘yes ma’am. 'toot toot' ….. we were on our way as I seamlessly continued my business call. I sometimes think that I wouldn’t know how to work without distractions… could that be the key to success? We’ll see…

I need a 'do-over' LOL :)

Although I sleep in a deep REM stage of  sleep, the other side of my brain is busy busy…usually a night of more working and colorful problem solving, basically ‘saving the world’ (while snoring) Funny though, the very thing that needs ‘saving’ is ME. I laugh thinking of my mother’s latest comment after spending the weekend here….’you need a do-over’ …. No kidding … She was so excited to leave after a just a couple of action-packed days in the chaos. Grammie who lives 4 hours away, was nice enough to take darling daughter out for a little birthday shopping and probably more thrilled that this is only a once-a-year occasion.  She has done her 'time' here.

Still in a daze today from cleaning, managing a guest and work, I knew my day was not going to start without the usual snag, even before my first cup of coffee and my vitamins (2-Excedrin), … I could immediately smell the familiar wafting aroma coming from the office area where the dogs sleep. Yep, Lollipop had a mishap that was likely a result of too many dinner scraps the night before… ‘Daddy’s Little Fatty’ (the one on the left)  always makes sure her plate is clean …. I have ‘the girls’ ( Lollipop & Emma ) on a regular schedule, but ‘accidents’ do happen. Actually gigantic messes that always go unnoticed by the kid who first lets the dogs out...   Like an android, good-sport husband, was already attending to our first calamity of the day.... I then followed up with my usual weaponry – my trusty steam sanitizer…. Like a never-ending relay-race our functions are defined, air-freshener is sprayed and scented candles are lit.   The day continues with the usual fast pace…. So for now- I’m going to actually take a break tonight and read something meaningful like ‘Diary of a Wimpy  Kid'… it’s not too heavy so it won’t hit me in the face when I doze off.  nite nite...

'Driving' ME Crazy !!

Yesterday upon waking, when I first saw my son, I must have looked worse than I feel if that’s possible, because he promptly came in to lecture me on working too much. He then, with all seriousness, brought me the last three books in his series of ‘A Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ – he knew I liked reading the first one and thought this would be a good way for me to pry my fingers off my lap top and relax for a moment. It actually was very sweet- a rare occurrence around here… unfortunately ….No such luck today (about reading his books), business first these days… maybe I’ll read tomorrow. We have had lots of interest in Goodnighties as a result of a cover story in Women’s World Magazine this week that mentions our high-tech pajamas. That then means …lots of work.... busy, busy… which is a good thing.

My restful ‘break’ last night was my twice-a-week ‘date’ with myself while waiting for darling daughter as she works out with a gymnastics club about 20 minutes away. I do cherish this time, but like everything in my life, comes with a penalty… ‘Mom can I drive?’ are words that still make me cringe! I’ve decided there are fewer things more brutal than riding with a teen driver… Ok....being panty hose for Kristi Alley is also a tough one.   I just can’t relax while driving with her (unless I’m drunk…a joke :) … I still clench- even after a year of this and we are still shouting at each other and fighting over the radio and I don’t see that ending any time soon. I feel like I’m riding shotgun in a demolition derby with expensive cars. I know I shouldn’t have my feet on the dashboard, but I just can’t help myself. The required ‘rap’ music she needs to have to ‘focus better' claiming ‘I can’t drive without it’ …… I didn’t want to take further chances!  So my stress level rises to a new pitch....

The idea that way-back-when someone came up with the idea that a 16 year old could handle driving on their own, I think was meant for a tractor in an open field. I shutter when we are next to a proud older driver in their shiny fancy car- I want to yell  …’stay clear’ you’ll be sorry save yourself while you still can !  The warning sign I had made for my back window is just not big enough.

The Unexplained Mystical Underworld of Cleaning

Even without going to Hogwarts for training it seems that I have mystical powers to be able to spot things like empty containers in the refrigerator or more remarkably, garbage in the built-in slide out rack that is just filled to the brim. This supernatural talent can also spot filthy dirty counter tops and jelly on cabinet handles that need to be wiped off, or ketchup stains on a damask tablecloth… hmm ? -- that might be chocolate.   Occasionally I will have an understudy...(my son) helping me…. his specialty is 'floors' but today he got a little too aggressive with a stiff scrub brush and he scrubbed off what he called 'the wallpaper' -- which was really the white cabinet finish near the floor.   He tries to be helpful.... but sometimes leaves me breathless after 'assistance' like standing in the pull out garbage rack.... not a good outcome. With no filter for his thought-process his immediate 'solution' is the one he goes for with plenty of gusto - not a thought to the consequence!

Another ‘helper’ like a Nimbus 2000 and one I treasure as the hardest worker in this kingdom....my new bright fuchsia vacuum- a 'gift' from my husband- matches my stilettos (a joke). With every good intention he bought it for me a few weeks ago and rather than buy the floor model - he wanted me to have a 'new' one,  one which I had to put together myself.  Since I'm always looking for new things to do (another joke), I then had a moment to bond with my new companion.... I kept thinking...(to the vacuum) 'you poor little thing....what a horrible job you have before you!' I'll be nice, but it's a tough life-long commitment, almost as bad as being a high traffic rug in this house! So far, we are getting along great. :)  we both like to be unplugged! :) Sweet Dreams,  Zzzz




The Crown Jewel of this Kingdom! 

 

Window To My World....err, I mean 'door'!

My children have a very strict aversion to simple things that would make a big difference in my disposition...and by extension, their life! ....they just don't 'get-it'.  After years of talking about this, the carelessness continues.   It can be as simple as quietly turning a doorknob  before closing a door (like after a 5:00 am shower) or even simpler,  closing a freezer door before leaving the kitchen for the night.  or...my even lower expectation of  just closing an outside door or turning off all the lights and TV?.... Each night I find myself like a jail warden - patrolling the grounds - confirming a lock-down for the night.  Mastering these tasks for them, is apparently a difficult skill in their world.  Is it carelessness, being inconsiderate or just plain stupidity?..... probably all three! 

 For as long as I can recall 'doors' have always been a sacred divide for lots of reasons.  Occasionally I lock my bedroom door (ok, all the time) ....doors are important around here!  A few years ago  my son had a slamming phase that began with first 'losing' the knob (I took it off) after finding a hole in the wall from a spirited 'open'  with  further sanctions shortly after that of.....  physically removing the door for 2 years! this was after the door frame started to go crooked on me.     Finally, the slamming stopped- can we say... slow learner?    My daughter on the other hand, as I have told her time and time again.... is going to get her a** kicked if and when she ever has a roommate or lives in a dorm where she loudly closes doors.   That roommate will also need a hazmat suit...but that's another story.  :D