Sunday, October 4, 2015

Another family 'outing' to get 'in'! 😱

After a very long day I trudged up the stairs to my bedroom and I might add (for the first time in recent memory), I had on a dress and feet were killing me. I then discovered 'someone' had locked my bedroom door and I haven't seen the key to that door for at least 15 years! :( After multiple attempts with every conceivable tool (paperclips even a couple of butter knives and You Tube instructional videos) I reluctantly concluded that 'lock smithing' particularly the 'breaking- in- kind' is not a resume item for me (a first!) so it was onto 'PLAN B' - since this problem was most certainly the doings of Darling Daughter - I screamed for her ass's the rest of the story.....

I was finally 'in' 9:30 pm but with out a 'normal' 12 step fiasco!  I had to retrieve my trusty ladder to then have Darling Daughter scale the top roof (in pitch dark) line (she escaped through her bedroom window) was actually pretty quick with that move (hmm?) then cut the screen wide open with an exacto knife with 'Winnie' the kitten on the other side trying her best to escape! (frankly, I don't blame her!)  Older cats, 'Babycakes' and one-eyed 'Winky' were also locked in - I was high on the ladder in heels and a dress holding the flashlight. Success! We did it! 💪 . Darling Daughter and I problem-solved the situation and broke into the bedroom via second story window!  As expected.... Husband was in bare feet with a tiny flashlight.... directing from below.  Another memorable evening.  (Like snow shoveling). Xo
HOME SWEET HOME - now, leave me alone! 


Friday, March 13, 2015

Because I'm Happy (?)

Join in a sing-along! 
Thank you to Pharrell Williams (but this is the time of year for new lyrics!)
(sing along to the tune of "Happy")

"It might seem crazy what I’m gonna do
Each year this may trouble you....

Through the winter our dogs take multiple dumps.....
It’s too cold to pick up so you have to punt!

And now it’s Springtime!

Clomp along as I clean this shit up from my yard!
Because I’m happy!(?)
Clomp along as it's been here a while and I never need a guard! 

Because I’m happy (?)
Clomp along as I wait for the snow to finally clear
Because I’m happy (?)
Clomp along to not track shit through my house with fear!

Here comes the bad news talk’n this and that....
Neighbors far and wide won’t talk behind your back!

Well, I can warn you it’s not that bad
This song to sing will become a new fad….

Because I’m happy (?)
Clomp along as I scoop this shit up from my yard!
Because I’m happy (?)
Clap along if you’re dancing to a smelly shit bombard!
Because I’m happy (?)
Clomp along as I wait for the snow to finally clear
Because I’m happy (?)
Clap along to not track shit through my house fear.

Bring me down
Like a ‘downward dog’

No yoga needed for a snap like this! 
my new scooper is like a candy kiss! 
Bring me down
Like a downward dog
Because I’m happy (?)
Clomp along as I clean this mess from all my darling dogs
Because I’m happy (?)

Clap along as I smell Spring
and eliminate this nasty bog
Because I’m happy (?)
Clomp along as I wait for the snow to finally clear....
Clap along to not track shit through my house with fear.

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you’re sick of bending up and down
Because I’m happy
I have a new scooper which is the best in all the town!
Because I’m happy
My yard will soon be smelling like a treat!

Feel free to help others cheer and give this link a tweet! 

xo The International Laundress!  

Friday, February 6, 2015

Our annual 'vacation' - Brief but full of 'fun' !

 I would have written Monday but I had to rest from our annual gathering at the end of the driveway!  It's our family 'vacation' - always in early February -  remarkable I know!  All 4 of us together.

This family outing began unexpectedly at our house with a primal-like 'Darling Daughter howl' - to plow our driveway which now had 19.3" of snow on it.   A critical 'need' as Darling Daughter has a responsible job and needed to get to work on that day!
She was yelling from the wild....bursting through the 'guest room' door to find me... I'm not much of a 'guest' in this house, but needed some sleep away from our two crazy cats who like to perch on me when I'm in my room - I should have locked the door but I think she would have broken through.    It seems that 'Jason' her friend's friend was retained and reminded just the night before (10:30 pm)  to be sure and PLOW OUR DRIVEWAY  apparently like everyone in my house, he also has trouble following directions. 

Naturally I came to the rescue with night tooth guard still in my mouth- hair in a knot on the top of my head in my 'darling' night-time flannel couture combo attire and a light-weight coat.   It was a 7:15 am departure time and I was still in a fog.   I trudged out in my slipper/clogs to our attached garage to back up my 8 cylinder/ bomber-style tanker- an old SUV truck with 4 wheel drive.  I mightily swear all year round about this vehicle when it comes to gas mileage, but in this case I was ready to kiss the wheels.

We could do this!  I just knew it!   Darling Daughter could easily take my car- it has no gas, but it was all hers.  What I forgot was at the end of the driveway one has to really 'gun it' to get through the pile of snow left from snow street plowers.

 Damn!   should have had my precious coffee because it's not hard to conclude what happened.  Yes,  ME  ....the great driver-of-snow ..... was up to the bottom of the car solid with snow really stuck!   So begins Phase #1    SHOVELING.... because no one ever puts anything back where it belongs (garage) our front door since November, has a blue shovel as a permanent winter accessory outside the door.

 - so Darling Daughter went through the house to 'get it' and left the door open just enough for all 3 dogs to carefully escape. We didn't even notice.....and began the process of shoveling...... Darling Daughter was motivated by  a 'Jason tantrum' in her ankle socks and tennis shoes her light-weight 'scrubs' from the knees down were frozen solid.  

After a gallant attempt.... We continued shoveling to no avail and Phase #2  kicked in.... by then, Darling Daughter had corralled all the wet dogs back into the house after frolicking in deep snow throughout the front yard.   I then rounded the corner of our living room with boots in hand, and squarely slipped on our wet tile floor - (err, I mean smashed my whole left side to the ground) Thank you 'darling dogs'.   It is unquestionably my least favorite way to start my day but thrilled to have not plowed my head into a plaster wall (as I have done before).

I then made an executive decision to increase staff to 'good sport husband' who was oblivious (or so he says) to the commotion downstairs.  After a quick briefing....he started with the 'brilliant' questions like; did you drive forward? or have you shoveled?   Darling Daughter and I were hysterical with laughter as car-removal-from-snow is not his strong point and he prefers to 'watch' the action. 
WE then all agreed to 'beat' on the door of 17 year old Darling Son (afterall, it was a 'snow day') to join the pushing brigade.  So the four of us armed with a large bag of kitty litter (like luggage) actually had a family outing!  I know, a miracle!    No arguing about where to go..... we had our itinerary set.  (1). Shovel  (2). Litter (3). Mom (ME) in the driver seat / 4 wheel drive forward only  :)    (4). All 3 shoving my car from the back and with that effort; our 'family outing' was quickly over!

It was lovely,  although a little cold ( 7 degrees ) and who knows? we could be getting more snow- I'm ready and packed only this time I just may keep going when I get to the end of the driveway .....      XO The International Laundress