Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Deer- I-say... A Lucky Day!

'The Girls'

Today must be my lucky day! I actually found a matching pair of gorgeous Tiffany-colored rubber gloves with the fingers intact under my kitchen sink.  This was an exciting find so I could then more quickly clean the disgusting wet smear of tar-colored deer poop off the furry neck of Emma, our Old English Sheepdog.  She loves to roll in 'it'. 

As I was driving home from the dog park today, I noticed the strange odor, quickly pulled over and 'yep' it was a mess.  To compound things, her 'sister' Lollipop (the black one) had covertly also gotten into 'it' ...  only I didn't notice until 'it' was completely dried around her neck.

At home, I first started rummaging in the garage for a glove and came across several 'lefts' and a cute  pink polka-dot cuffed  pair with rotted-fingers.  Frantic, I was thinking then that this was not going to end well.   Then my luck turned ...  finding matching gloves that were hole less was as amazing as finding that the overflow of disgusting poop didn't get all over my car-seats!  
  woo-hoo ... my life is turning around! 

Off to bed - nite nite (my favorite part of the day! ) ;)  

Sunday, April 24, 2011

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished :)

I don't usually go shopping for new 'projects' or more 'work' - and I certainly don't look for problems that aren't initiated here.... I do however, like to help a friend in need when I can.... so when my college roommate's friend's daughter (age 25), whom I’ve never met- (and I’ve never met her mother either). Found herself in need of some local emotional help and guidance, I was happy to oblige... 'sure, give her my number - and my email address.' The other adults in her life were out-of-state.
I should have known better, from my own experience, that these 'projects' usually morph into my favorite mantra. 'NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED'.... and in this case, that proved true (again). It seems that friend-of-friend daughter was having boyfriend problems and was looking for a local 'friend' (ME) to help make life easier for HER. I first received a pitiful email that detailed the drama and all HER personal issues stating pretty directly.... that she would like to bring HER THINGS to OUR house and to stay HERE until she can 'get back on her feet'.... huh?


She then boldly called to follow-up that point, I almost agreed for the sole purpose of teaching her a good lesson!  :)

Kids today feel so entitled and the idea of adults fixing everything has become their 'solution'. This request was stunning to me... As mentioned in my previous column, I have a chronic cough that would scare anyone....wild sassy teenagers in and out of this house .....barking dogs and oh, almost forgot - we are running a business from here too... Join the fun ! Good-sport husband wouldn't even listen to the last message from her kept saying 'Make it GO AWAY !...  MAKE IT GO AWAY ! '.... This time, I had to agree with him ! Out-of-state adults needed to 'fix' this one. :) And fortunately they did! Need to take a nap before I go to bed.. (again) 
The International Laundress

Thursday, April 21, 2011

'Good' Friday....NOT anymore.... :)

For Mom's with 'Good Friday' day off from school-they know intuitively, with teens, that it's not 'Good' ....what a phrase!  More arguing, no structure - everyone under foot.  The days of taking advantage of a 'day off' is over for me.  Back in the time when we could do a wonderful outing together and everyone was excited makes me recall the time when I blew it for my son.  Never to be trusted again!  

With every good intention, I bought tickets to see a famous exhibit called 'Body World'... What happens next is the makings of his future therapy sessions... we found ourselves in a very long then be 'ready' to go 'in'... square in front of us was a real skinned human riding 'bare back' on a skinless horse!  Darling Son was wide eyed and breathless and I was so tried of waiting in line that I made them go 'in' (Darling Daughter thought it was 'interesting')  I have to say, in reflection....I didn't research this like I should have (quickly bought kid-tickets on line!) and standing there in the middle of all these skinned humans and animals was quite a site!  (I was pretty grossed out too)  all I could say was 'Let's go have some lunch!'... Darling Son was pale and now even years later he won't even let me mention the name of that exhibit!  He also is not interested in anymore educational tours - and he can't seem to break a 'C' in Science  hmm?.... so tomorrow will be another video game extravaganza day for him!  oh well...  nite nite!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hidden Diseases ... Master Plan

Long ago ‘good-sport husband’ coined the phrase 'disease infested mongrels' ... meaning; kids in-general... are all ‘carriers’ of disease….I know it's true and from that comment, we have both suffered on and off for years with the things kids bring home.  Colds, coughs, flu, rashes…we have had everything but lice- not to say that's not coming….we're actually overdue!  I have had coughs that remind people of a Tuberculosis outbreak - the kind that turn heads like a bad muffler... lag on for months... requiring 3 different perscriptions of antibiotics to ‘kick’ - the kids are rarely sick they always bounce right back - older parents limp along behind desperate to recover never knowing if they ever will.  

Once Grammie came for a brief visit and left from here on an exciting golf vacation with pink-eye  ;) Nothing is off limits when it comes to sick-germs from kids.  The variety is fast and the onset is swift.  Today I am under-the-weather (which is really saying something with another cold/wet dreary Midwestern day) I went from ‘fine’ to chills, sore-throat and my famous cough in a matter of hours – good-sport husband is also hacking… kids are strong and vital… a master-plan to keep their enemy (us) in a weaker position to make it easier to conquer.   They win today and it's nite nite early for overwhelmed MOM... :)   tomorrow the war begins again!
The International Laundress

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The new meaning of "NO" - complicated at best !

When I was growing up I learned very quickly what the meaning of the word 'NO' was. Back then, when clearly spoken in English it had a real meaning. This word from our language had zero room for discussion let alone negotiation.

In my world, I apparently speak a different dialect and the word 'NO' is just a negotiating starting point to begin banter my darling children have perfected over the years. They are both relentless and determined- and they actually love the challenge (it's like a 'hunt') - to beat me down to then conquer. They know the weak points - they can sense opportunity even from a loud shout.  It always begins with 'WHY?' - it's like a square dance that we do... circle to the left ('WHY'?) circle to the right ('WHY'?) – I’m then holding my own- repeating myself ‘NO’…. then the do-si-do begins; (going for the kill)  about all the wonderful things they have done lately that enrich my life ! The dance continues 'allemande LEFT', 'allemande RIGHT' …. They’re masters really they are.... it's not possible to give an answer they will even hear unless it's 'oh, OK you win !'    when you are an older tired MOM this outcome is inevitable (unfortunately)

While not feeling my tip top best tonight (to start ‘dancing’)-- I received a true 'beating' that ended up going from 'NO' to me riding shotgun to 'deliver' darling daughter to a friend’s house. The negotiating was complex, but did end with someone else bringing her home! Compromise is key.. nite nite.. !
Sweet Dreams too!
The International Laundress :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Need 'LIFE REWIND' Product

As I was looking at my 'fancy' Maybelline AGE REWIND makeup today, it occurred to me they need a to make 'LIFE REWIND' ... if they did, I would be one of those people in a lawn chair lined up down the street first to buy. Actually, I would be camping to secure my position.   I'm thinking today where in my life did the tide turn ? I used to love my Estee Lauder make up until Darling Daughter ravished through my bathroom and helped herself to 'all things good' then it occurred to me (like DUH) that I don't need anything anymore that is 'good' and I went to Walgreens for all my cosmetic needs. I've gotten to know the young Hispanic girls who work there and I trust their recommendations.

The thing about parenting at a mature age- ...  right when you think you can get your life back again (and it's ironically when you are most in need of the high-end makeup and wrinkle cream) - it's the last thing you want or can have.   I guess that’s when the ‘tide turns’ …. Kids take every last cent you have for their own entertainment and dinners out and as a precaution what parent wants to leave their home unattended with teenagers in your life for even a quick movie anyway?   Need to arm and protect what little is left. Even when I am home bad things happen.

Last year another good friend and neighbor (we vow to help and protect) glanced up at our steep rooftop to find 5 teenagers (boys & girls) 'perched  on high' - on a mission! The ‘story’ being,… they were looking for 'Winky' our one-eyed cat who amazingly opened a bedroom window and took the full screen off (even bent it) and was then in-his-little-curious-way began exploring the rooftop to plan an escape?! Whew.... glad they were there to save the day!  This I believe is a news item for perhaps 'pet tube' or beyond? Talent abounds here!   I'm off to take a nap before I go to bed  ....  xo T.I.L.

'Winky' our one-eyed cat
(...dreaming about escaping from his miserable life! hee hee hee)

Monday, April 4, 2011

TV Catastrophe! Take 'Cover' as in (I need a blankee)

When I heard the news this morning I was going to run and hide in my foxhole.  It seems that good-sport husband who stays off my radar largely because he has what he needs... informed me that his beloved 'what he needs' blew up last night- and I'm not talking inflatable doll here... This sacred icon is his newish flat screen TV -- it made a 'pop' sound and it was then pronounced DOA.  I was frankly amazed by how calm hubby was with this declaration.  It was too early for wine so this calmness was kind-of-serene and reminiscent of a brewing perfect storm or could it be a tsunami coming (we'll see).    This is a man who normally has a blow-the-roof-off  tantrum when the kids have pressed the wrong buttons or worse yet, 'misplaced' the remote.  Anything ‘TV’ is on his list of things that send him into orbit.  Like most men the TV  is his respite – a place to forget the chaos that has engulfed his life.  I do respect that – like me, we both need to take a break from this life we have created.  So who is to blame for this calamity.... the storm last night, Comcast or Vizio?  Stay tuned!   I'm saving my strength and need to take a nap before I go to bed.  :)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Late Start Leads to 'Crack Up' On The Tracks ....

When a teenager volunteers for a job it involves more than just the opportunity to learn new things- front and center is the fact that it's yet another taxi dispatch job for overwhelmed Mom (ME).  This particular 'run' I am referring to is one of my scheduled standing assignments- it's been a process keeping an ADHD child 'on schedule', but my darling daughter knows the rules from having had 'jobs' like this since 11. Today she spent an inordinate amount of time on her own grooming regiment to then make taxi dispatcher (ME) wait & wait  :(   This 20 min. delay then led to my own barking lecture on obligation & responsibility (even if it is to only clean cages of exotic birds).  So the barking continues (ME) as I strategically determine the best route to navigate the many stop lights before me - afterall, I had time to make up.  As I forged ahead and  before we knew it, dead in front of us was the crossing gate for a very long freight train... so we could really be late.  Such an absurdity I just had to declare... 'Please tell me where the joy is in all this?' ... darling daughter is now breaking down and starting to laugh (her humor is pain-based) she then can't contain herself... cracking up at me (a rare occurrence) ... actual tears were running down her face.  I then had to add 'don't do this'  (parenting)...and 'I'll be too old anyway to enjoy grandchildren!'  more shaking laughter.... I guess we're bonding :) 
Sweet dreams, T.I.L.

ME (unfortunately)

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Equal and Balanced Coverage - Murky Gene Pool 2

In an effort to write this blog with 'equal and balanced' coverage... darling son is next having come up through the ranks learning from the best, his older sister.  He has also along the way, developed his own techniques for destruction.  Beginning as a quiet terrorist-like scribbler ... bedroom walls, inside of my car (a black sharpie)... he then moved into paint. Once even taking rust-block paint made for grill repair and meticulously collaged gooey swipes on the side of my car.   Since I was nearby, (likely busy cleaning up another mess)  it was easy to conclude this kid was also very deliberate and swift.  Fortunately, my good neighbor friend came to the rescue with a big bottle of turpentine (for clean-up) not to drink.
Together they (my lovely children) worked as a force to perfect their 'talents' .... darling daughter was once hanging on a basement metal wrack in the basement to then find the TV on her head.  This idea then went upstairs to my four-poster bed that originally had a canopy top (what they call a 'tester')... good name, because together they were 'testing' the strength ... and before I could even imagine this scenario... I heard darling daughter  scream ...'Mommy... (nameless darling son) broke the bed' !! --- with further investigation, I learned that she applied her budding gymnastic skills to the top rail framing and as luck-would-happen it snapped when it was her brother's turn......   taa da


Friday, April 1, 2011

A parenting reputation- from a murky gene pool

Years ago when I was at the cross roads of figuring out the 'label' of ADHD - (a title that was bestowed upon my darling daughter even before she was 3) --  Many (myself included), looked at this idea as a horrifying proposition.  I really didn't need a 'label' I was just looking for some sleep.  These were hair-raising days with uncontainable energy/impulsively- and curiosity.  At first it was 'cute'... then exhaustion set in.  We always thought the gene pool was a result of two driven Type A-personalities - and not a surprise, her parents were, curious, fun and energetic .... notice the emphasis on  'were'...   When your toddler is whirling through life touching, experimenting-with- everything including putting unknown objects in her mouth, it is a challenge.  I had found her chewing asphalt (thinking it was gum) and drinking a random urine sample at my doctor's office (delicious apple juice?) Her Aunt once watched in awe as she made her own clay using a hose and  grill ashes.  This kid was inventive, determined.... and very swift- needing adult supervision 24/7.  

I knew she was running wild in the neighborhood- but I truly believe looking back,  if I had 'leashed her' to a tree she would have cleverly figured out a way to free herself.   In reflection, it is pretty embarrassing ... 'ADHD' had not yet gone 'mainstream' -- even my own Mother watched in judgement concluding I wasn't tough enough!  My now good friend and neighbor who was also in mouth-dropping judgement of my little darling,  recalls one of her first encounters.....  At 4,  my angel  appeared on her doorstep one bright Sunday morning in her underwear with an armful of water balloons inquiring whether the 9 month old of the house could 'play' ... and I didn't even know she was outside ....  I know bad bad... but until you slog around in my shoes you can't imagine what it's like.  After all, at that time, I was dealing with her prodigy - her younger ADHD brother.